Wednesday, July 29, 2015

When is it Okay to Give Up Your Pet?

You hear a lot of things when you work in rescue.  Some of those things warm your heart, make you believe in people again.  Most of those things, though, frustrate the hell out you.  Make you want to tear your heart out by the roots and scream, "What is wrong with you?!?!" at the unsuspecting person across the counter.  (I just had a flashback of working in retail.  That's a special kind of frustration all its own!)

You hear things like, "I adopted this dog from you last year, but I need to bring her back.  We're expecting a baby."  And, "My cat keeps peeing outside of her litter box, so I want to surrender her to the shelter."  Or what about, "We're moving to a place that doesn't allow pets"?  Or, my personal favorite, "We just don't have time for him anymore."

Sigh.

Now.  Guys.  I understand that sometimes it's unavoidable.  Sometimes your (my) husband is allergic and asthmatic, and you (I) have to choose between keeping your (my) cat/dog or keeping your (my) husband alive.  (Hardest choice I ever made!)  And sometimes your pet bites your child.  And, yes, sometimes it is the right decision for your pet to have another home.

But many times there is a solution.  If you must move, only look at places that will allow your beloved pet!  If you are expecting a child, do your research - your dog will probably adjust to the new addition just fine.  There are places that will help you with low-cost veterinary care and free pet food if you are short on money.  There are also sitters who will care for and play with your pet while you are at work if you're short on time.

Giving your pet up to a shelter should be the last resort.  (It also needs to be said that you should never, ever post your pet on Craigslist.  Or, honestly, those Facebook "giveaway" pages.  Just don't do it.)

(Also, at least act sad or regretful when you're surrendering what is basically your family member to a shelter.  Just a little bit.  Please?  It's one thing to give up your cat if you tell it goodbye with tears in your eyes.  It's completely another if you surrender your Border Collie puppy for chewing things in your house, and then you walk out the door with a smile and arms up, touchdown-style, saying "Free at last!")  (Did that sound like an oddly specific example?  That's because it is an actual thing that I experienced.  UGH.)

When it comes right down to it, when is it okay to give up your pet?  Well...when you feel you have no other choice.  When it breaks your heart to do it.  I guess it all depends on personal circumstance.

But I want to hear what you think?  When do you think it is okay to give up your pet?  I would love some discussion in the comments!  I would also love to know the "excuse" that most frustrates you?


34 comments:

  1. We couldn't even give up our new puppy when our first dog didn't get along with him. There are very few reasons I would give up a dog, but I do understand sometimes it's necessary. But I volunteer at a shelter too, and it's horrible how cavalier people can be... they just assume the shelter will do the work of finding their family member a better home. The good news is, at my shelter, they usually do.

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    1. I agree with that - for every dog who is not wanted by his current family, there's another family out there who will love him so much.

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  2. Mom says all the time she wishes she could bring my cat bro Bert back to the Humane Society as he causes so much trouble with his behavior issues, but no. She will never "return" a pet. Adoption is for life and one has to be ready for whatever happens. Dogs are easier to train and work with we think, the cat just keeps getting worse. We do love him and he is funny, but he is also a real problem around here with his eating and chewing everything.

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    1. Emma, has your mom taken Bert to the vet to rule out medical conditions? If so, it might be time to consult a behaviorist. There is a reason he is doing what he's doing. He's unhappy about something. Figuring out what that is and helping him with it would improve his quality of life and alleviate the unwanted behavior. Kitties can be trained with positive reinforcement. :)
      Purrs <3

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    2. Aw, Bert :( I wonder why he is acting out so much?!

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  3. I think sometimes people end up with two dogs that truly hate each other. That whenever they are near each other the potential for a real fight is always there. The household lives in a state of stress at all times, just waiting for that fight to happen. In cases like that where even careful management is not helping, it can be kinder to re-home one of the dogs. Not drop him at the shelter and let what ever may happen, but work at placing him in a home where he can be an only dog or just be with another dog he actually gets along with. Living in a state of constant stress and hate is not a very good quality of life.

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    1. I agree with you completely. When you know that the dog is unhappy or stressed and would be happy in a different environment, I understand having to give him up.

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  4. Sadly, far too many people get dogs or cats because they're cute, and they aren't really pet people at all. These are the ones that surrender pets so quickly when things aren't always rainbow, because they've never thought of their pets as part of their family; they've simply been there to entertain and look cute.

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    1. Yes! Or, similarly, people adopt a puppy or kitten because they're cute, not realizing how much work young pets are. Or they get "bigger than they realized". Sigh.

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  5. I'm an animal control officer. People surrender animals to me all the time. I've been told:

    "I just redecorated my house. The cat's fur clashes with my new décor. My Interior Designer said I should get rid of the cat."

    "We're going on vacation and can't afford a boarding kennel."

    "I didn't know that the dog would get this big." (Never mind that it was listed as a Great Dane mix.)

    "I've had the dog for 8 years, but it doesn't get along with my new puppy."

    "My mother is coming to visit and she doesn't like cats."

    And many, many more. There are days I really want to hit people with my truck.

    Kelley’s Dog Blog

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    1. I'm sure you do, Kelley, I would have a hard time not stepping on the gas myself! ;) I have heard the "new puppy" and the "didn't know he would get this big" many times, but I've NEVER heard of someone surrendering a pet because of their decor! That is INSANE! I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if I heard that!

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  6. We have rehomed dogs before. We checked with people and found situations that would be best for them and best for the dogs currently in our home. It was hard to do, but everyone was happier in the end, including the dog that was rehomed.

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    1. It's really all about the pets' happiness; if you know they would be happier in a different environment, then you shouldn't keep them just because you think you should. Like I mentioned in the post, I have rehomed pets as well due to my husband's allergies. In one case, my in-laws took in the dog, and she is much happier there; it all worked out in the end.

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  7. Some of the excuses for rehoming pets are ridiculous and sad.

    There are a few times when I think it's okay. If the dog is just not the right dog for the person and they can find a better home or the animals in the home are not getting along it would be appropriate. I really try hard to not judge people but sometimes it's tough.

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    1. I agree - I know I shouldn't judge people, but oh man...it's hard not to sometimes! You're right; while some reasons for getting rid of a pet are silly, others are totally valid.

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  8. I have only returned an adopted animal twice, once... it was very weird as I adopted an adult male cat, and it felt like I had a strange man in my house. It hurt me to do so as I was raised that a pet, is a part of the family and family members are for life. The second was an aussie at the time that I did not have the space for which I thought I did... but I did not give her back to the rescue, I had some friends that did a lot of trail riding with their horses and dogs in the mountains... she seemed to fit in that pack a lot better than mine, heck she didn't even give me a second look when she saw what she was in for... with her I realized sometimes we have to look at a pets needs over our own... But giving up for reasons like kids or my new place doesn't accept pets is rediculous. I am allergic to both cats and dogs, but that doesn't stop me!!

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    1. Wow! I had no idea you had allergies! And I know you've got a lot of pets in your house - is that hard to deal with? Do you take daily medications?

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  9. Good question. I think under some circumstances it is the right thing to do. Probably better than the pet living in a home where it is not loved or wanted. Thanks so much for joining the Barks and Bytes hop.

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    1. Agree - it's all about what's best for the animal.

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  10. The reason I think would be acceptable to give up a pet and the reasont hat frustrates me the most is actually the same -- allergies. Let me explain. Personally I have allergies to cats, and I have asthma. I have two cats of my own and I volunteer at a local cat shelter. I take medication daily to cope because I could NOT imagine my life without my babies in it.

    I understand, though, that allergies vary along a spectrum. Mine are moderate. It frustrates me when I hear people come to the shelter to return a cat because they are allergic because if it's just sniffles or itchy eyes, that can be handled pretty easily through some environmental adjustments and medication if necessary. However, when someone is so allergic that they are having regular asthma attacks or go into anaphylaxis as a result of being around cats, that's another story. At that point, it is dangerous to have a cat in the home, and that is when I think it is okay to return a kitty to the shelter.

    It all just depends on the situation. I think allergists are too quick to tell people to just get rid of their pet if they have any sort of allergy to them. Sometimes the benefits of having a pet far outweigh a few sniffles. :)

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    1. I definitely agree with you. My husband's allergies are kind of odd. He is only allergic to some dogs and not others; sometimes his symptoms will be severe, other times pretty mild. However, when we tried to adopt a cat, he broke out in hives and was wheezing horribly within only a few hours. He has been hospitalized multiple times in the past for his asthma, so we were just too scared to risk it. He is fine with our dog Riley, but it looks like no cats in our future. :/ If it was just sniffles/itchy eyes, I would definitely just make him take medication - I've always wanted to have a cat.

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  11. I believe that there are times when it is best for everyone to give up a pet. Pets aren't fashion or household accessories and the people who turn them in for shallow reasons, shouldn't get any more pets.

    I'll probably never know why Theo was surrendered to a rescue, but I like to think he's happy with his second family. I'm always going to be grateful to her for 1. raising a pretty nice dog, and 2. making it possible for him to live with us. I see people struggle with the pets that they have and sometimes I think it would be better for the animals and the humans to rehome them.

    There are so many variables to consider, but I do think it is okay to say "this isn't working out, let's change things." I think a lot of people don't know that an owner surrender is often a death sentence for their pet. And I see rescues that spend an awful lot of money on an animal and then rehome it. I always wonder if it isn't possible to save the animal and return them to the first family (not in cases of neglect, but rather in cases where they couldn't afford the surgery/treatment, etc.) I'm sure that seeing animals being dropped off on a regular basis (especially with the "free at last" body language) would upset and anger me.

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    1. It is SO true that most people don't realize that surrendering their pet to certain shelters could be a death sentence, especially if the pet is older or has any health/behavior issues. And it's definitely different if the pet would be safer with another family/home. What upsets me is when people have a casual attitude of giving up their pet...especially a pet you've had for years. I just don't understand that.

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  12. Getting and keeping a pet is a lifetime commitment. I have even made arrangements for someone to care for my pets if I am no longer medically able or pass away. It's like surrendering a child. Sad. :)

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    1. That's very smart of you! I have seen multiple animals be surrendered to a shelter after their owner passes, simply because they did not have a plan and their family did not want to care for the animal. Very sad :(

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  13. I'm sure there are instances where it might be in the best interest for all involved to rehome, but not those cavalier answers that most people use. When we were doing our interview to get Delilah they if there was any reason I might return her. I admit, I wasn't prepared for that question, but I thought about it and said, "If she bites?" with a question in my voice. NOW having learned as much as I have, I think it would depend on the bite situation, but that is me.

    Thanks for tackling such a tough topic and for adding it to the blog hop.

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    1. We had that question too, but I can't remember what our answer was! I can't even think of a reason that I would give Riley up. MAYBE if he became extremely aggressive? But even that would still depend. I just wish I could understand people's reasoning sometimes...

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  14. I so agree with you about those lame excuses people give for turning back dogs they've adopted. I don't understand what's so hard about thinking the whole adoption thing through, with all of its responsibilities and expenses, before bringing home a pet and then callously destroying its happiness and security. Would they do the same thing with a child? To me they're one and the same. (Yes, I AM passionate about this issue LOL)

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    1. Don't worry; it's something I'm very passionate about as well :) I am with you, I think of my pet as my family member. Unfortunately, many people disagree with us - they see their animals as "property" rather than members of the family. So maybe it doesn't break their heart to give them away as much as it would ours? I don't know. But I agree - many adopters need to really take some time and think about what they're getting themselves into.

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  15. A dog (or cat, for that matter) is for lifetime as far as I'm concerned. We are a military family and unfortunately keep hearing from fellow families who abandon their pets when they feel they've become a burden due to a variety of reasons (newborn baby, no time for the dog, dog has too much energy, is too old...).

    Just recently someone shared with me that friends won't be able to take their (outside) dog along with them to their new location because there won't be any space for the dog to run around in outside (no yard, essentially).

    These people won't move for another 4 months, and claim to be heartbroken over the fact they won't be able to take their pup along, and are now looking for a good home for him.

    Instead of feeling sorry for them (which was what was expected from me...sorry I didn't react as expected..), I stated that 4 months was plenty of time to turn the dog into an inside dog (why is the dog kept outside in the first place?), and referred them to a very good dog training school.

    The reality of it is that the dog doesn't get the daily, breed-specific exercise he needs and that the family is not willing to put any energy into providing said exercise and obedience training.

    It frustrates the hell out of me whenever I hear of a similar scenario ~ people blindly adopting/purchasing dogs without looking into the needs of the breed prior to bringing the dog home with them.

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    1. Yes, yes, YES! Everything you just said is spot-on! People adopt Border Collies and then complain that they are too energetic. Or Jack Russell terriers who chase their cat or kill chickens. Or Huskies who would rather play and run than be lap dogs. Research a breed before adopting, people! Don't get a high-energy dog if you're a couch potato!

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  16. I've heard those same reasons over & over again and it frustrates me too. Many times it makes me angry at the person that just couldn't be bothered to try. At all. My personal "favorite" is the one about moving. How can you move and not even consider trying to find a place that takes pets?? Pet friendly places are so common now. An acceptable reason to me is when the owner has either passed away or has to go into a nursing home or long term care facility and there's no family member who can take the pet.
    Love & Biscuits,
    Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them

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    1. That last reason you gave is how we got Riley - his owner passed away and the family members were unable to care for him. I agree with you - I would never even THINK about moving to a place that didn't allow pets!

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  17. Yikes, that's a tough question. Lots of discussion above as you can see it is an important subject to discuss. Happy Thoughtless Thursday, Ruckus the Eskie

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