Tuesday, June 23, 2015

How to Human, According to Riley



Do you know how to Human?  Well, I do, and I can teach you!  It is very important that us dogs can Human, because one day we will take over.  (It's going to happen for sure.  Have you seen how they go Potty?  They collect it.  In a giant porcelain water bowl - what's up with that?!)  There are many ways for us to Human - sitting upright on the couch (best to save that for when They aren't home), getting to know the neighbors, giving Them meaningful looks when we want something...the list goes on.  But today I'm going to teach you the art of Human Sleep.

Step 1:  Wait until your Mom or Dad gets up to go to the bathroom.  This might take some patience.
Step 2:  When you hear the bathroom door shut, make your move!  Creep up to take the empty place they left behind.  Be careful to move slowly, or you'll wake up whoever else is in the bed!
Step 3:  Carefully place your head onto the pillow.  They will have left behind a warm spot, which can be quite nice.  But I myself prefer a cooler spot just to the side of where they were laying.
Step 4:  Fidget and kick until the blankets cover you to your liking.
Step 5:  When you hear Them coming back, quickly close your eyes and make a satisfied, sleepy sound.  I tend to go with the, "snort, Snort, SNORT, sigggghhhhhhh..."  It's an old favorite, and it never fails to win Mom and Dad over.
Step 6:  Enjoy your Human Sleep!  If you've followed the steps correctly, They won't want to disturb you from such a comfy position.  You might even get some scritches behind the ears if you're being extra cute and convincing!

Remember, this is only one part of learning how to Human - there's lots more to learn, but practice makes perfect!  So go ahead - steal Their pillows!  (Let's face it, they're basically just rectangle-shaped dog beds anyway.)

Does your dog know how to Human?

xoxo Love Riley


20 comments:

  1. LOL love it- Kilo has this particular skill down- so cute

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    1. Most cute dogs seem to get this skill down pretty quickly ;)

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  2. Pawfect advice, I WILL be practicing this!
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

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    1. Good luck, Leah! I'm sure you'll catch on quick! ;)

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  3. Ha! Yes, with these steps we could learn to take over the world! It is awfully nice when they go and get your food though.

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    1. You big guys don't have to worry about that - you can counter-surf! Those little legs make it a little tougher for Riley ;)

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  4. Bailie sleeps in bed with Mom but she doesn't wait for her to get up, she just creeps over while Mom is sleeping and keeps slowly taking more and more space. She also likes to keep her little butt by Mom's head and often kicks her with her back feet while stretching or dreaming.

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    1. Oooh, my husband and I have been kicked in the head/face by Riley's "rabbit feet" many times!

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  5. Sounds like you've had plenty of practice getting this down to a few steps. Good for you!

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  6. You really know how to human, Riley! That is a great human thing to mimic. It is one of the nicer things that we get to do. Very cute photo!

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  7. Nice human work, Riley! I'll have to keep you away from Liam and Sinead. They haven't mastered this art quite yet (and I want to maintain the illusion that I am in charge!).

    Jean from Welcome to the Menagerie

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  8. Mia used to curl up around Rob's head until we bought her a bed of her own. I thought she wouldn't go for it, that she'd prefer to sleep on Rob's pillow, but she likes it. I miss having her human next to me.

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    1. Aw, that's so cute! Riley likes to come up by Jared's head in the morning. Every once in a while, he will go in his kennel and sleep in his bed - I think he likes both!

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  9. Riley, you are brilliant! I can't wait for Part 2 of being Human.
    Love & Biscuits,
    Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them

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  10. Hmmm… we kitties are going to try to implement these tips on how to human. We think we can do it too!

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  11. Hi Y’all!

    Oh Riley, you are really, really good!

    My Human thinks movin' a blog, especially a long established one, is akin to movin' into a different house. It takes awhile to get everything unpacked and put away and even longer to remember where everything is.

    Check us out at our new home http://www.browndogcbr.net.

    Our theme is still changing periodically as we try to select one that works the best for us and you, our readers.

    Y’all come on by,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

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  12. Good job on learning how to human - you've nailed it!

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